Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Spiritual Relationship


Lovers Tree of Light, Visionary Art by Jan Betts

[Note:  I sent this page to a few people for suggestions before i published it.  One of them was a great friend, my Ex, who doesn't relate to my 'information dense' writing style where one sentence may need to be contemplated for a bit because of all it contains.  She offered a rewrite, anonymously.  I'm delighted, you will find it immediately after.]

You didn't grow up with a map to the spiritual relationship... the only kind of relationship you can have in today's energies of awakening.  Here is that map.

Right now you are in a spiritual relationship with lovers, business partners, friends, family, even teachers… also truly with your health, wealth, and creative expression.  You are in the same sort of relationship with a garden, a project, a busness... whatever.  The Spiritual Relationship is a catchy word for life.  Bet if i called it Life you wouldn't be reading this...

The principle purpose of the spiritual relationship - whether with your health, your sweetheart, or your business - is to bring to the surface what you (or all of you in something like a business) have agreed to work on to take you wherever you are going.  As gently and beautifully as you will allow – so now you know why it hurts so much.  Welcome to what you came here for.  It's in your face.    

If you know... that if it is really love, it won't hurt... oops.  If you know... your partner is supposed to protect you from your pain body by being nice and never triggering it... oops.  Your partner is being asked By You to assist in bringing up what you decided you wanted to work on in this life... and out of a higher love they are going to do just that until you have gotten what you went there for.  Blame will only initiate energetic circumstances that will manifest a repeat episode.  Sorry, but you are the one who decided you wanted to do this work...

In any relationship you are working on your basic intimacy issues with the light and Source - that is, after all, what we are here for.  I call it the Deity Drama or Separation Drama.  We play it out in other arenas, like health or relationships, so that we may gain experience and understanding - through putting a part of the collective density inside, and then healing it as our personal portion of the divine plan.  First we get lost in it... and are now waking up and healing it... so it is not taken into the future of us all.

If you really want to know your purpose in life, look into your last fight or last breakup with your sweetheart.  You are in the middle of that purpose... drowning in it, perhaps, but in it.  In this text I hand you another rope, and as you may be highly skilled at pushing ropes away, there will be many more.  You are loved.
Everyone is in a process chosen before birth to release their baggage, issues, pain body, fear, density, resistance, dark shadow, childhood conditioning, stories… yada yada yada.  That ‘stuff’ cannot be taken into an era of easier manifestation because it would manifest easily.  Have you noticed that this is already happening?

Perhaps if you knew how a spiritual relationship worked - remember, the only life you can have - how life works would make more sense.  Here we go.

I have four rules for The Spiritual Relationship.  OK, principles.

                  1.  It is Never about them.
It is never about the other person.  Imagine that you asked them to play this role for you, so you could get access to what you came here to deal with on your journey, and out of higher love, and for their own purposes, they agreed.  You asked.  They loved.  If you don’t see it, go deeper.  And leave the blame at the basement door.  Park the judgment with it. 
Another example... out of the consensus reality box:  if you are having a little dance with a bacteria, virus, or parasite, you asked it to play that role for you, and you are now in “a cooperative endeavor with another species of consciousness”, to quote Seth from the '70’s.  Old stuff, ya?  So if you attack your cooperative partner, life will give you your second choice in partners... and louder... ya?

This works the other way, also.  If someone is blaming or finding fault with you... and their over-reaction to the situation is the biggest key... it has nothing to do with You.  And if you are arguing back or defending yourself, you are lost in the mirror.  Perhaps it won't work to tell them, "It's your pain body talking."... but you can know it and refuse to escalate the drama.
                  2.  It is not about what it’s about.

It wouldn’t trigger you so, if there was not something deeper.  That is what it’s about.  You went there to feel that.  If you don’t feel it, you can’t heal it.  That’s why you went there.  And will go again… and again… until it is all released.  Judging, controlling, blaming, or resisting will only prolong the process. That's OK, take six more lifetimes if you like...

Managing and planning for every contingency in a business will have the same result... continually attempting to fix the messenger (problem) without using it for why you asked it there.  Messages not listened to only get louder.

So you won’t solve anything by talking about what it’s about because that’s not what it’s about.  It is a gift.  It ain’t broke, so ‘fixing’ it, especially through talking, is only going to dig the hole deeper and feed the pain body.  I know you’ve experienced that repeatedly…

Yes, there are ways to use higher energies to transmute the inner density.  Shortening drama/ pain cycles from weeks to minutes... accelerating things significantly.  I have a school for that.

                  3.  Nothing changes until you do.

Reality is feedback, a holographic projection from within.  What you see in that mirror is not going to change by your insistence.  That is looking in a mirror and demanding God lie to you… good luck.  Enjoy your visit on the in-your-face holodeck.

Three gold stars if you got that even the planet is not going to change for the better until you do, in the specific probability you experience as your own personal now.  So right here you have a short sweet text on how changing this planet is actually going to happen... or not... by nobodies choice but yours.  Bingo.

                  4.  Pain is resist-dance.

Dragging oneself kicking and screaming toward being happy… been there, done that, got the T-shirt.  If it hurts, you are fighting the process.  There is this part of you that understands you totally, knows just what you need, loves you immensely, and is totally committed to getting you home… call it Higher Self or whatever…  You are allowed to not cooperate; continued pain is how you know that’s what you’re doing.  Beginning pain follows not listening to the hints to let it go.

So what do you do when you and your partner are loving and growing with each other through either the leap-frog or bumper cars of mutual pain body triggering?  Well, that is exactly what you signed up for.  And are convinced is wrong.  Ah... conditioned judgment...

So what to do?  Disengage from the drama.  Agree that each of you go where you personally need to go to look into what it is really about.  No, no… caught you going somewhere to tell stories.  Inside.  Drop the stories there, too.  Story after story and nothing changes... you know that... so enough.

Come back together when both of you can talk, and listen, without using the ‘you’ word.  “I feel this when I…”  Using the ‘you’ word means you haven’t gone deep enough.  But you will… one way or another… by manifesting the pain and drama outside, or feeling it during the journey inside.  Your choice.  For sure it will be some balance of both, and you are choosing the balance point.

Remember that everyone sees your issues before you do.  And so what do you do with what you see about the other, before it is “up” far enough that the other person sees it?  Share it in a time or way that the other cannot receive it?  Use it to wound, saving it for ammunition until you need it?  That’s you making the choice to let your pain body do the talking.  Are you done yet?
Inner density has to go.  The spiritual relationship is, for most, the number one go-to in this department.  An understanding partner in this journey can be spiritual rocket fuel.  That’s why your partner is already - right now - there... already loving you exactly as you have asked and really need… to change self.  That's true love... only someone who really loved you would play those roles you asked of them.

If you are single, right now that partner you don’t have is loving you the way you most need, by not being there, and you will meet and recognize them when you have fulfilled your part of your present agreement together. You know... the agreement that says lets not play that out... one... more... time...  You will meet the probability of them that has done their half when you have done yours.  To get there you could meet others who would help you with the densities listed in your agreement... tho most call it pain instead of seeing it as the best they allowed of exactly what they were truly in need of...

It can be quite an art.  Accept.  Allow.  You don’t have a choice because you already made that choice before you were born.  Trust your process.

Others have decided to forgo a full-time relationship until they clean up a good part of that inner density.  For many this is certainly to their highest good and ease! 
This lifetime is set up to be 'more fun and more adventure than we have had in eons'.  Along the way there are going to be some symbolic manifestations as we let out the clutch in the new gear we are already in.  Have fun.  Let go of the fear.  Surf the wave or have your face ground into the sand under it... your choice.  Either way the wave will get you there!  We go as we allow.  Own it.
For me this not the place to write a book, offer more explanations, give examples, demonstrate principles.  I do a lot of that on an individual basis as a processing intuitive.  There i can play cupid introducing people to their highest probable partner, with whom they are already hanging, on the causal plane... where things are organized energetically before manifesting physically.  Injoy.

Thanks to A Course in Miracles for #2, Lazaris for #3, and Oneness for understanding.  Thanks for the many times my guides needed to repeat #1 to me... i required it.  I suggest repeating it to yourself, with emphasis on the 'Never'.  As for #4, on the resist-dance bus, "good judgment comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgment".

If you are interested in additional understanding of the energies behind the ways people often 'fall in love', head to YouTube for Gregg Braden's video 'The Seven Essene Mirrors'.  If you can handle the mullet and the hiking-up of the pants, he's great.

And for how it is:
Matt Kahn - Soul Contracts, Twin Flames & Soul Mates Redefined

Note:  Here is my very knowing friend's version.  She writes: 
"I started to write a bit on it.... inspired as to how to get the understanding clearer to someone who has not experienced processing... or understood about densities... or what to do with all the muck inside. Who knows what to do with anger, for example.... but to project it on others, or stuff it.... so anyway... here is what came up".

The Spiritual Relationship

The very words can perhaps conjure up a vision of an inspired idealistic relationship of spiritual bliss, where both people enjoy harmonious flow together... and clear communication... truthfulness... trust... happiness... joy... reflecting the highest potentials for Love. The dream.

If such a relationship seems to present itself... we eventually discover that there is something below the surface that rises up and causes emotional upheavals that can be painful… confusing... fearful... angry... insecure... controlling... destructive... and even eventually split up the relationship, with both blaming the other.

So I want to talk of Spiritual Relationship in an entirely different way.
Getting real.

Actually, spiritual relationships are the only ones we CAN have. They all serve as reflections that we need to "Know Thyself".
Our dreams can only become remotely possible in reality, (on an abiding basis), once we *wake up... and we begin to see the cluttered, toxic, complex condition of our inner realm, the egoic network with whom we identify, that has become who we think we are (which consists of layers of tightly woven veils of well hidden lies/illusions... and not to be underestimated in its power over us)... and to learn how to release and clear it out. Heal the wounds, un-do the false, disintegrate the densities. Get free.

*All of our relationships are mirror reflections of some part of us... and used as such can be keys which can unlock the secrets to getting free... thus, they are truly spiritual relationships.

A powerful spiritual relationship is mutually conscious, and deep enough to reflect both our highest potential... and our deepest fears and emotional pain. It’s very important purpose is to do all of that, whether we know it or not from its onset.
On deeper levels each person agrees to this encounter... even (and especially) the difficult parts. So the relationship is not failing when it appears to be immersed in a stuck repeating loop of painful dramas... but is being presented with exactly what each person needs to clear out of their own energetic field.
The all-important purifying burn.

From this context, two people can consciously co-operate to do this Work together... and so can even welcome the dark shadow work to come up, for the purpose, and with the support of the other, to process it out.
To do this, one of the first things both need to know is that... the stuff that comes to the surface:

* IT IS NOT ABOUT THEM. (the other person)
   (especially when it most seems like it is...)

Our feelings may have been triggered by them... (that is their job, *in this context)... but the feelings and belief systems coming up are from our own source. If one person gets lost here... it is hugely beneficial if the other can hold space for them (i.e. not get tangled up in the drama, and stay conscious and focused), so that the triggered one can go down into this density, fear, belief, etc, for the purpose of dispersing and releasing it.

The higher purpose of any kind of relationship is to get at the truth, and if we don't yet know what that means... then to uncover the false within us is a great way to start.
The Truth, gratefully, remains un-scathed, well beyond our antics.

This is self-inquiry and inner work that each person needs to be consciously engaged in apart from the other... and is then reflected in the other, as a mirror.
If we blame the other for our suffering, we miss the entire point... and will get lost when one insists on "talking about it" endlessly when none of it is even real outside of false projections that seem so real.
So to communicate clearly, we learn to disengage from the drama... and to remember what our objective... our intention is.
*IT ISN'T ABOUT WHAT IT IS ABOUT. (what appears to be the situation/story)
It is about removing all the veils, fears, beliefs, pain body densities, projections, etc... that is underlying that story.
It is important to keep a strong connection with the other person, in the mutual recognition of this. In doing so, when one person gets lost, the other can guide them back... help them into observation mode to see it, process it... not deny or stuff it... or attack with it.
This can get touchy... as both can be triggered... and so not being attached requires development.
What it is about is getting free of the whole mess... not sorting out a tangled web of dramas... but realizing whole package and its complex contents> are illusions.


You cannot affect abiding growth and change by trying to manipulate another person’s behavior, blaming them or anything outside of yourself for your tormenting issues. The mirror does not lie... it is designed to reflect exactly what is in front of it. God makes no mistakes here.
You can try to change the mirror image... (imagine trying to do this with a real mirror as you stand in front of it)... you can even change partners, or situations if this one gets too uncomfortable, or you don't like the reflection staring back at you, or it isn't giving you the happiness you think it should... but the inner source of the reflection is>>> still within you, and it will eventually attract another appropriate mirror, which will likely start as another well intended dream.... and eventually arrive at the same juncture. The work cannot be avoided if our intention is to Awaken.... to no longer be satisfied to be trapped in a web of lies.

To learn this is a wise and essential component to moving forward... and to allowing the transformational FLOW of this process.


Why do we suffer emotional pain and suffering, over and over in repeating cycles... and even design our lives to both create/attract the whole thing, and to try everything to avoid feeling it or owning it?
This is not so absurd to ego. Ego stays well ensconced as long as we engage in this behavior... that by its very design can never be satisfied or sorted out. Ego's fuel is reactivity and it loves to stay hidden, as blame is placed on external sources.

There is a false sense of identity we have gained, and it is complex and based on deeply rooted belief systems pounded into us while growing up.
The mind can be used to make the false seem real.                                                                                                 The thing being disturbed IS the false thing, and were it not there, there would be nothing to be disturbed.
The false self carries a burden of its own ignorance... is the origin of our suffering.
Fear is its powerful ally and valuable multi-use tool.

There is a greater force at work to awaken and free us... which we have also chosen.

How we relate to that force determines how we either flow with it, or we resist it. The mind/ego ups the stakes of the upheaval and pain created as it rebels and fights against this essential unraveling of what was never true. However long it takes for us to be done with it, or however much grasping for control, suffering, kicking and screaming we engage in... is our choice, or series of choices.

We eventually, when sufficiently humbled by the futility of the exhausting resist-dance, learn the value of surrender.

It is important to ask one’s self... what do I want?

Is it is first and foremost to free one’s self... to Awaken?
Ego is a force to reckon with at every turn... but battling it only re enforces its seeming power over us... by making it an enemy, which it is not.
This is why resistance only further digs us in deeper, as it is designed to do, being based in fear.

As we free ourselves... our balance of energy changes... and we become clearer...  we can then allow spiritual Light to do our purifying Work for us, effortlessly.

Our spiritual path expands, and awakens... as we simply get out of its WAY.
Then there is the:
Un-co-operative Spiritual Relationship… ah yes.

So, if you are in a relationship that is reactive, tumultuous, and there is no clear connection and plenty of mis-communication and finger pointing, and control games between the people involved… etc, etc... we may experience the opposite of the 4 principles previously discussed: 

*It IS SO about them. (they said this or that mean thing, they cheated, they are abusive, they don’t respect me….…etc)

*It IS ABSOLUTELY about what it is about (something said or done by the other, creating a situation, a story, and that IS what it is about)

*It will change when I can change the behavior of the other, or change the situation.

*Pain and suffering is caused by them or the situation.

OK… then...
Now what?

Do I need to be right, and the other wrong? Does something in me seek attention by being the "victim".... to enjoy attracting a rescuer of sorts to save me? Perhaps the unfairness of life is to blame? Whatever....
Can a dis-functional relationship be straightened out, healed, become functional?

Where clearly some of this ‘who-did-what-when’ scenario may appear to be absolutely real on one level… it has no basis in truth on another… in fact, it reinforces the false... and its un-ending complexities are counterproductive to getting free.
The ego can make us believe lies… and unconsciously project them all over the place… we invite persons to be our mirrors… however beautiful or unpleasant  the reflections become. Then we point our finger at the mirror… as being the both the source of the problem/pain, as well as the source our happiness… of love. Neither of which is true.

Example... If we have a poor self image, we will manifest someone to tell us that in all the ways that agree with and trigger our own negative belief systems (albeit subconscious) about ourselves… and trigger up the corresponding pain reservoirs within us.  We may call the person abusive?? Would we rather be gifted with a beautiful tender trap of seductive lies to make us seem so perfect and lovable... before we ourselves believe it? And when the source of that pulls it away, what are we left with... rejection??
Or... if we have trust issues, we will find betrayal following us. We will project what trust means to us onto another… which may have little to do with them, and so we eventually feel betrayed when they do not live up to our projections.
In the same way, we can project our dreams and love onto them... believing that they give us happiness, security, love... etc. Our source of power is switched from within us to an external source. This will eventually fall apart... because it is not true.

So even the un-cooperative relationship is full of information and opportunities... and when we have finally had enough... we will seek to understand why:

*It is not about them.
*It is not what it is about.
*Nothing changes until you do.
*Pain is resistance.

Sometimes it does become time to move on... but it has to be for the right reasons. Moving out of a relationship that is not moving at all can be a reflection of one's own true inner movement... and not an escape from facing the truth.
One learns about the flow.... and allows it.

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  1. there are years of wisdom and insight in this one page,
    life times of learning,

  2. Thank you Keith for recommending I read this - it was incredibly helpful at the most difficult point in my relational history to date. Straight to the heart of the issue. Surrender shall be my new mantra xx

  3. Phenomenal article. So very true in my experience. Thank you.